Everyone knows that the bride and your new mother law will make 95% of the decisions for the wedding so lets talk about your 5%.
We (men) find our groove and look for our own facets to place our personal touch to make at least some aspect of the wedding our own. It’s unfortunate, but you can always tell the grooms signature pieces at the wedding. Mainly because he will seek his good buddies out to show them the cigar collection for the end of the evening or the 2 or 3 songs he ‘made sure’ the DJ plays. The irony of this is that while the groom’s opinions don’t typically result in a very high percentage of decisions, as the groom your presence and perceived ‘2 cents’ are expected at significant meetings along the way.
Most grooms make their big mistakes straight out the gate. Sure you know this woman, she has decided to spend the rest of her life with you, so she must think your wedding opinions and preferences are perfect.
Wrong!
She agreed to spend her life with you, but the wedding is all hers.
Her wedding is her dream, and has been since you and your buddies were planning on making the Major Leagues. While you were Ozzie Smith in your backyard, she was a bride. You were practicing Montana’s throwing motion while she was practicing throwing the bouquet.
Yet, this all being said, you need to be a good fiancé and attend the important vendor meetings, so here are 3 points of advice for successfully assisting your bride in the choosing of vendors.
Don’t Just Meet, Interview Your Vendors The vendors you choose must be the one’s your fiancé is most comfortable with. Her vision must be the one discussed, I’m sure any DJ worth his pay can find a way to get your 2 or 3 favorite songs into the lineup, don’t waste valuable meeting time with these types of questions. Ask about the vendors’ experience, their particular style, past wedding successes, and sometimes more importantly, ask about past wedding errors. Standard business interviews include questions about fixing mistakes, apply similar interview questions to your vendors. See how the vendor reacted and what changes have been instituted so that your wedding won’t experience the same concerns.
Be informed. Do your research. Every vendor has a reputation, website, testimonial, etc. Preparing for the meetings will show your fiancé that you are very interested and that you care to make her wedding a spectacular event. I am not saying that you should bring up shutter speed with the photographer or geraniums with the florist, but a simple visit to their website and reading one of their blogs will certainly help to make you one of the most informed grooms to set foot in their office. Feel free to ask questions but try not to make assumptions or interrupt as the vendor talks. This can make for a long meeting and awkward moments that can make you and your fiancé doubt the chemistry with your potential vendor.
Be Easy Going and Try to Get a real feel for your vendors. Just because we work on the weekends as wedding professionals does not mean we aren’t regular people with whom you can have a friendly conversation. I’m sure this isn’t true for everyone, but for the most part, we are mostly just specialists in particular fields that relate to weddings. You are going to spend a great deal of time with many of your vendors, whether it be your photographer or videographer, whom you see all day, or your reception coordinator or DJ who will be around you for most of the night. Talk about things beyond your big day to see that you are comfortable. Once you can get a real feel for the vendor, you’ll see who will take you and your wife-to-be seriously regarding your grand vision for the day. Make friends and allow your fiance’ to really share her feelings with that vendor. Some grooms think that as your wife seemingly ‘rambles’ about your wedding to a vendor that it’s your place to jump in and save us. In reality the more we know about what you and her have thought up for the wedding the better we can serve you and your plans.
As a groom your role is somewhat limited. As a good bass player once said, “my job is to provide the rhythm and keep the flow. The day I realized that, I became a rockstar.” You are essentially the bass player to your fiance’s lead singer. While you are crucial, you should know when to come in and when to hold back. Always be the needed support, but never trying to do too much.